Sarah Jessica Parker Likes Hot Dogs on a Stick

Wednesday evenings my husband and I get a babysitter for our kids and go out. We party like pornstars have dinner, go see a movie, maybe run errands or go for a drive. Essentially, we pay fifteen dollars an hour to be somewhere, anywhere, without our kids.

Tonight, my husband had a haircut scheduled at the salon right next to my spa. So we left early, had a little Thai food and while he got his hair cut, I did bookwork and tidied up at the spa. After he was done neither of us were ready to go home.

We decided to go to the mall, something we almost never do, but he wanted a lemonade from Hot Dog on a Stick, he has a bit of a thing for the uniforms.

I wanted to stop at the pet store. I never buy anything because they're puppy mill puppies but I like to look. Holy fuckadoodle, what is with the Poodles? When exactly did they become the it dog?

Right off the bat there are the ones that sound naughty, the Shit-poos and Bich-poos. Then there's the Cadoodle, which sounds like something you store your hairbands and clips in but is actually a Poodle/Collie mix. They had a Pekepoo, also a game I play with my bebe.

Of course I saw Doxipoos, Labradoodles, Boxerdoodles, Doberpoos and the Huskidoodles. Then there was the one that sounds like a German noodle dish, the Schnoodle. There were others that also sound like something you'd eat, the Foodle(Fox Terrier/Poodle) and the Snickerdoodle. Okay, that last one is actually a cookie. Just in time for Halloween, you have the Jack-a-doodle.

By far my favorite was the Giant Scnoodle, a mix of a giant Schnauzer and standard poodle. "Hi, this is my dog Chompers(what my son wants to name our future dog), he's a Giant Schnoodle," it just sounds funny. Sadly, they didn't have any Spliterapartadoodles, that's a mix of a Great Dane and a miniature poodle. I had to skadoodle because I was starting to get dizzy.

We then stopped by Spencer's. I haven't been in there since I was probably fifteen and still got a thrill from seeing the cheap-ass vibrators and penis-shaped pasta. We were just bored and wanted to wander through stores where we wouldn't be tempted to spend money.

The store was filled with the requisite goth gear and predictable bachelorette items but there was something else, something more. I realized I totally missed the boat on Father's Day because there on the shelf sat the consummate present, the uber-gift if you will.

Yes, it's the Sarah Jessica Porkher who loves Sex in her Shitty. No, I'm not even kidding. Eew, she's got “three fabulous love holes.” This lovely “lady” is brought to you by Pipedream Products who also sell such gems as J Ho, Booty From the Block. Just pony up $26.95 and one of these lovely ladies could be yours.

Haircut - $40
Thai food - $35
2 Hot Dog on a Stick lemonades - $6
Babysitter - $60
Gas for the evening - $349
Seeing SJP rendered in oriface-laden vinyl, priceless.

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Anonymous said... June 25, 2008 at 11:34 PM  

Seriously, Sarah Jessica Parker? Wouldn't be on my list for rubber doll models. Then, not being a rubber doll manufacturer what the hell do I know.

I'm glad to hear that Spencer's is still around to spread a little smut around suburbia.

Anonymous said... June 26, 2008 at 8:44 AM  

I actually BAKE snickerdoodles - yumm! Not sure about the penis-shaped pasta though, I'd be laughing too much to actually eat any.

formerly fun said... June 29, 2008 at 7:49 PM  

chris- yeah, SJP is definately more of a girl icon than guy fantasy, who would be your top pick be for 'likeness rendered in vinyl'(not that your into that, ha.

I wouldn't mind having a blow up doll, if nothing else, I could put it inthe car so I could use the carpool lane.

scatterbrain- I loooove snickerdoodles, mmmm, drooling now. Come on, if I made you my homemade arrabiata sauce and served it over penis-shaped pasta, you'd ask for seconds.

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