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1. World's Hottest Pussy?

Oh yeah, my Keyword's are going to go crazy.

Your turn.

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Daily Exercise Log

In an effort to be healthier, I resolved in 2010 to exercise more. I figured if I put it on my blog, I'd hold myself more accountable. Even though I have a terrible cold today, I was able to put myself first, and make time to achieve this important goal.

Today's Exercise:

Warm Up
- Existential thought, extra credit for wiggling my toes while I did it.

-Blowing my nose(120 minutes Total Combined).
Resistance Training- Yelling at my nine year old.

Isolation Exercises-Deftly picking the remaining not entirely dried leaves off my basil plant(it has a death wish) so I could add it to tonight's dinner.

Alternative Exercise-Thought about exercise.(Also called napping)

Flexibility Training- Negotiated dispersal of evening kid/house tasks with husband.

Additional Flexibility Training
- Thanked husband for doing the better part of said duties.(This was also aerobic and there might have been some Tantric Yoga involved)

Interval Training
-Did sprints from bathroom to laundry to shower to laundry to car to post office to laundry to car to pharmacy from car to grocery store...also changed first laundry load topless and boobs got very cold.

Core Training
- Tweezing eyebrows, I tightened my core while I did it.

Strength building- Getting childproof cap off cold formula and wrestling very firm honey from bottom of jar for cup of tea.

Isometrics- Holding my tongue on a phone conversation with my mother-in-law.
Weight lifting- Carrying 2 year old to bathroom in a mad dash when she tells me,"I have to poop, oh oh I think I did."

Stretching- My kids get credit for stretching the limits of my patience today and I did a few stretches to get the container of Organic Non GMO Fair Trade Vanilla Bean ice cream out of the back of the freezer.

I am pleased with my progress.

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Is It Wrong?

Is it wrong to see a friend posed on Facebook in the most ginormous sunglasses you have ever seen and comment that "Willy Wonka called and he wants his glasses back"?

Is it wrong that I find it over the top high-larious when my two year old daughter says "fuck-ing dammit" with near perfect intonation when the dog runs off with her favorite froggie stuffed animal?

Is it wrong that sometimes I wish I were financially capable of having staff(not like i would refer to them as staff, just having people to do the things I don't feel like doing(which is a lot(but kids don't think that means you(but sometimes it does)))).

Is it wrong that my husband bribed me with a week of nightly massages for something he "wanted"? Is it wrong that I wholeheartedly accepted and am now on my 6th night of massages wondering what tricks I am going to have to pull out to keep this particular gravy train rolling?

Is it wrong that I have probably logged 10 hours on my phone playing Tetris?

Is it wrong that I sometimes fantasize about my kids leaving for college and already am encouraging them to have the "full experience" of going away to school?

Is it wrong when I do passive-aggressive things like dressing my potty-training two year old in a unnecessarily complicated outfit because I'm irritated that her pre-k teacher is letting her nap too long?

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I Am Perfect, Just Like Everyone Else

A New Year, a Fresh Start, the beginnings of I Will Always and some I Will Nevers, None of This and More of That, less snacking, more flossing, blah, blah, blah.

The Baroness Von Bloggenschtern, a thoughtful, dynamic and witty friend, recently posted on the vein of being kinder to ourselves, lowering our expectations a bit. She was moved by a mantra she encountered at a yoga retreat, the very simply stated:

"All I have to do is be,
and all I have to be is who I am"

It was also well said by these guys. They look a bit goofy but I think they were on to something:

There's nothing you can know that isn't known. 
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.

Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.

It's easy.

Years ago I was spending some time with a favorite Aunt who happens to be a Buddhist and herself, very wise. We were talking about achievement and working as hard as you can to get to the "top". I was a rising executive at a media company and very determined to get "ahead". My family(the other side) was a driven bunch and it was so ingrained I thought it was my own ambition, something I had come up with on my own, not just mimicry or trying to meet their standards and earn their approval. Well, I told my aunt all of the things I wanted and my timetable for getting where I wanted to be et. al., and she asked me one thing, why? Well, to achieve, I told her, to make "it". Again she asked, why? Well, because people should work as hard as they can and achieve as much as possible I tried to explain.


I had never before questioned the value of these things(like the value of perfection, achievement, all of it). I couldn't come up with a reasonable answer. Most of those ambitions were tied to showing people I could do it, proving to people I was smart, capable, fierce. Yes, some elements of my drive were more mellow, like the good feeling one gets from doing something well, from setting a goal and meeting it, from achieving something you weren't sure you could. But a great deal of it was tied to less than healthy motives.

I thought about why I was doing what I was doing. Why was I travelling 32 weeks out of the year rather than putting time into a personal life. Why was I staying at a job I didn't like just because I made good money but then turned around and spent it on things I didn't need to feel better about the fact that I was in a job I didn't like?

My aunt wasn't trying to be antagonistic, just to get me to think. And think I did. After a while, I couldn't stop thinking. The why I was doing what I was doing wedged itself so far in my brain I finally went to see a therapist. I won't go into detail because personal therapy is generally only interesting to one's self but over the course of a year I worked on casting off some of my families' influence so that I could figure out who I really was. It was spent working on being kinder and more forgiving toward myself. I spent time discovering what I really wanted and what was important to me.

A year later, I was no longer at my media job, rather, I had just got my esthetician's license and was on my way to opening my itty bitty little spa. And just another year later, having made room in my life for, well, a life, I met my husband. It took a 2000 mile move from home, a year of therapy and the love of a very good man, but somewhere along the way, I really did begin to believe that all I have to be is who I am and there is nowhere I can be that isn't where I am meant to be. Yes, there are days when I get stuck in my old fear, or loathing or expectations but I am getting better at getting back to the place where I am reminded of my own imperfect perfection.

Here's wishing you the same for 2010.

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