Things I Hate (but I am generally a very positive person, really.)

I hate when some bird disembowels himself over my freshly washed car, or anytime for that matter. You know, the craps that look like they ate a bottle of white out and a handful of blackberries.

I hate music that has what sounds like my cell phone ringtone in it.

I hate that news in general sucks and specifically, I hate the scary reactionary news teasers, “the food that might be poisoning your family right now, news at eleven." Hey, if it's such a threat, maybe you should just tell me now.

I hate folding fitted sheets.

I hate the goddamn baby gate. I am about 5 feet tall and I, in the process of trying to climb over it, spill coffee almost daily and frequently come close to dropping the baby and/or my laptop. The kids fuck around on it and the cats fight through it.

I hate when I drop my favorite and almost new blush on the floor and it crumbles into a million, messy pieces. I also hate that instead of dropping another twenty bucks for a new one, I will use the broken one for months even though it makes a mess of my purse, makeup drawer and travel bag.

I hate having to bite my tongue and almost internally combust because it's been drilled into me to never burn a bridge, even when someone is being a giant, unforgivable asshole.

I hate when I have a hair in my neck or chin mole that I can feel but it's not quite long enough to pull out or it is, but I'm in the car and don't have my tweezers.

I hate when my kid's school posts a notice about lice going around and for the next two weeks, I can't stop itching.

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Mom said... July 10, 2008 at 7:29 AM  

I have that chin hair too. I always find it in the car too. I hate that.

Anonymous said... July 10, 2008 at 12:58 PM  

I feel your hairy pain. Mine is one errant mustache hair that grows back first after waxing and when I feel it but it's too small to pluck, it's like having a tarantula on my face, it makes me insane. I also hate...
Having people watch my autistic daughter like she's something in the zoo. I've gotten really good at saying, "Is there a reason that you're staring at my daughter? Because it's creeping me out."

I hate hoping every month that next month's money situation will be better..and it never is.

I hate running out of coffee filters and having to use paper napkins instead.

I hate that my 5 yr old still can't wipe her butt without getting poo on her hand, which leads to a screaming, flailing, shit-covered freak out. (Her, not me.)

formerly fun said... July 10, 2008 at 1:31 PM  

Jan/Momo(my favs mean girl)-

What is it with the chin hairs? I'm blonde and basically hairless and I still get them. That's it, I'm getting a tweezers for the car.


It's good you have a planned retort at this point. I know people are naturally curious when the see something they don't understand but at a certain age, people should have the basics of manners down pat.

I seem to have the magical, multiplying pack of coffee filters, I think I've had the same package for years and there never seem to be any fewer, hmm, explanin that one.

Oh, and as for poop aversion, I have it. My four year old daughter would not poop on the airplane without me in the bathroom with her(you know how tiny those are?)and after she was done, she turned around to wipe and almost got shit all over my skirt. I geeked out imagining sitting in my seat on a plane for the next 4 hours with poop on me.I'm sqeamish with the kid poop stuff.

Anonymous said... July 10, 2008 at 6:10 PM  

I actually bought 3 packs of coffee filters this evening, because I was thinking of this post. And yeah, the autism thing. She has a really cute shirt that says, "I'm autistic, what's your excuse?". When she was little (she's 11 now) I might mention her autism if she was in the middle of a really big freak-out, but now I don't. She is who she is and she's so precious and loved, I don't feel the need to give any kind of explanation to strangers. Once during a rough shopping trip, a woman in line in front of us turned and snarked, "Looks like someone needs a nap." She was seriously pissy and acted like Hallee's being out in public was RUINING her shopping trip. It's the one and only time I have EVER told someone to fuck off & mind their own business. Ah, memories.
And the shit on a plane story, I've never snorted a frosted mini-wheats out of my nose before..sweet.

formerly fun said... July 10, 2008 at 7:30 PM  

BTW Jan, what happened to Just a Mom? I really liked it. I know you have a lot going on. Let me know if you put it back up or regroup and post elsewhere.

Anonymous said... July 10, 2008 at 9:36 PM  

I once ruined a new eyeshadow by dropping it. To this day I can't look at it.

This might sound a little crazy, but could you crush the rest of the blush and put it in a loose powder container? You could leave it at home where it's less likely to make a mess. And buy a new mess-free compact for your purse. ;)

-Formerly Lurker from Dooce

Anonymous said... July 10, 2008 at 9:37 PM  

P.S. This is rather late, but I always read your Blogoperas. And I love the name and those vintage images.

formerly fun said... July 17, 2008 at 12:10 PM  

thanks boston

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