What's Up Her Bum or TMI

Monday I am having a colonoscopy. It's pretty clear I have some autoimmune thing going on and my doc wants to rule out Crohn's. Tomorrow begins my prep and needless to say, I am not excited about either fasting until Monday afternoon or spending the better part of Sunday sitting on the toilet. Oh, and then there's the part about a fiber optic camera on a flexible tube being shoved up my bum, yeah, not thrilled about that either. I think I'm going to ask for the stills and put them on this year's family Christmas card, no? The only bright spot in this is the narcotic induced twilight sleep. Sedation is one of my favorite ways to take a nap. I get really cranky when I can't eat so hubs has promised to take the kids out for lunch and dinner so I don't have to cook or smell food I can't eat, isn't that nice of him? I think so. It's also smart because when I can't eat, I get seriously psychotic. I don't know if it's a low blood sugar thing or what but I lose my mind. Maybe it's control issues, whenever anyone tells me I can't do something, I completely fixate on the fact that now I almost have to do it. Yeah, I'm contrary so? What's your point? You're wrong, ha, see, told you.

The only other bright part of my plan for tomorrow is I'm going to print little portraits of Sarah Palin I can float in the bowl every time I visit, just thought it might be a nicer day if we can spend it together Sarah and I. I wonder if her novelty toilet paper (doesn't everyone have novelty toilet paper?) is the Constitution? Did I go to far? No, you're wrong. See, I am contrary, and controversial.

Postscript- Shoutout to the hubs for his mad skilz with the Photoshop on the SP TP.

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9 comments:

Bluestreak said... October 26, 2008 at 9:22 AM  

awesome toilet paper. Yes, If things don't go well, she may be using the actual Constitution as toilet paper.

derfina said... October 26, 2008 at 9:30 AM  

*snort*

I'm always afraid of that 'twilight sleep'. Every time I've had a procedure they use Versed (sounds like truth serum to me) which makes me think I must be telling them ALL the secrets whilst I'm 'asleep'. *shudders*

greenbean said... October 26, 2008 at 9:44 AM  

so what happens if say..you were doing yer business...wipe, and say the cheap toilet paper/ink gets imprinted on yer bumm. So the visage of Palin is etched on yer tush for a few days. Does that mean that hubs gets to see Palin every time he stares at yer bum? Won't that ruin the moment? Dunno, just something to think about

Formerly Fun said... October 26, 2008 at 10:52 AM  

blue- sadly yes, I hope all goes well, do you still vote?

derfina-
a client of mine is a doc and he told me yesterday how a patient of his recently went into this tirade while under twilight about how she wanted to date him but found out he had a girlfriend, yada yada yada. So, yes, it's possible but if anything, I'll probably just nag like I do to my hubs and kids.

greenbean-
Since the doc is going to be setting up camp there tomorrow, hubs is getting no where near my backside. In fact, I'm probably going to cloister myself in the bedroom and hide from all the dirty little food eaters, fuckers, I'm hungry already and it's only 11am.

mntnlover77 said... October 26, 2008 at 2:29 PM  

On a normal day, I can avoid eating because I'm busy or distracted - sometimes until dinner (not regularly, but it happens). When I'm dieting or I have to not eat? Torture.

Captain Steve said... October 26, 2008 at 9:28 PM  

Eeew. What is it with today and everyone talking about poo? Apparently my cousin's kid had baby's first constipation. Good luck with your test! May everything be clean as a whistle!

(Does it make me a bad person if that "whistle" comment just made me giggle?)

A Free Man said... October 27, 2008 at 4:50 AM  

Kudos to your husband, I'd buy some if, by some horrible twist of fate, they one.

Good luck with, um, all that.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said... October 27, 2008 at 10:08 AM  

wow

That's all I got for ya. Wow.

Courtney said... October 27, 2008 at 9:11 PM  

Please do a good one on a Palin picture for me :) Love it. Poop jokes never get old....

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