Back on My Soapbox, My Totally Gay Soapbox

You know what's really funny? People who want to change the CONSTITUTION to ban gay marriage. Cause, uh, in the big picture with the economy, the environement, education, and our dependance on a dwindling, expensive, war-inciting resource, even if you think gays shouldn't marry, isn't amending the constitution complete and total overkill and fairly low on the priority list. I mean it's the CONSTITUTION, not a pamphlet, not a law on the books, not a guideline.

Uh, it's not really supposed to be changed unless it's something really important. Is this really important? Really? Maybe important to James Dobson, Ted Haggard and Rick Warren yes but to the average Joe who doesn't speak from the other side of a pulpit? Important to someone who doesn't want to get you so torqued up that you send them your last few dollars for their “ministry”?

There is a contingency of people who want to overturn the recent decision by the California Supreme Court overturning a ban on same sex marriages. To them and the rest of these groups in other parts of the country, I say, Oh. Ma. God. Get. A. Life.

Guess what, if you can't leave room to let gay people get married, don't recognize it. Be the Great Big Grand Poo Ba of your own Special Universe and as you hear about gay people getting married(cause you know, it's been a veritable tsunami of gay marriages) you can say to anyone who will listen, “I Jughead Dipshizzle do not recognize Burt and Ernie's marriage because in the universe of the Great Grand Poo Ba, marriage is only between a man and a woman. So there.”

These are the same people who complain about promiscuity in the gay community but then want to remove conventions of society that lend themselves to realtionship and family stability. These are the same people who send sexually provocative, gramatically challenged e-mails to teenaged boys in the Congressional page program(Mark Foley, former Republican Florida). These are the same people who pay male prostitutes for sex and snort meth(Ted Haggard, former leader of the National Association of Evangelicals). These are the same people who solicit handjobs in airport bathrooms(Larry Craig, former Republican Idaho). These are the same people who offer an black undercover cop $20 for the priveledge of performing oral sex on him in a men’s room in a public park(Bob Allen, former Republican Florida).

I'm also wondering what is it about letting same sex couples get married that diminishes a man/woman marriage? The only thing that makes me a little jealous about Adam and Steve getting married is that because men on average still earn more than woman, Adam and Steve will be more upwardly mobile than my family, lucky bastards. That may actually change to since one of them will likely have to stay home when the kids get sick and not move up the corporate ladder quite so fast.

And by the way, gay marriage is good for the economy. Everyone knows gay people throw great parties so let them get married and they will pour money into our retail, hotel, jewelry, photography, apparel, floral, home furnishing, travel industries and even possibly in seven years or so, the legal industry. Let them spend a grand on dresses they'll never wear again. So shut your mouth and let the gay community pay their fair share already.

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15 comments:

A Free Man said... October 1, 2008 at 10:21 PM  

Well said. I just sent of my absentee ballot and had the bonus of getting to vote against Florida's proposed amendment to the state constitution. These people just make me ill, I'm so tired of legislative morality. Arrrrrghh. Reason number 769 why I live abroad.

The Incredible Woody said... October 2, 2008 at 4:44 AM  

I think the preachers should spend more time helping those around them to stop ending their marriages at an astonishing rate!! If 2 people are committed to each other, what's the problem? It's not like gay people are forcing straight people to marry them!!

thecusp said... October 2, 2008 at 7:15 AM  

Here Here Mizz Formerly Fun!
What is that Abraham Lincoln quote...can't remember the whole thing.
Something along the lines of...we should not seek to overthrow the Constitution but to overthrow those who would seek to pervert it.

Sounds good to me.

MJ said... October 2, 2008 at 7:40 AM  

Well said. Why don't they just treat it like everything else they don't like and tax the crap out of it. LOL.

KaritaG said... October 2, 2008 at 7:41 AM  

Amen sistah. I am so sick of efforts to legislate evangelical Christianity. I'm not opposed to religion - I just don't think we should be forcing the whole nation to practice/recognize a religion, and especially not by amending the Constitution...can you imagine if someone proposed amending the Constitution to recognize Sharia law on marriage re: mistresses?! What, Islam's religion isn't it?! Practiced by American citizens?! Yeah right... What I think the average citizen doesn't understand about Constitutional Law is that once you open that door up, it goes both ways...

Sandi said... October 2, 2008 at 9:14 AM  

Ha! It reminds me of a comedy sketch I saw where someone was imitating the President. The "interviewer" was asking hardball questions about the war, oil prices, the economy and the "President" kept saying, " But gay people are getting married!"

cndymkr / jean said... October 2, 2008 at 12:43 PM  

Amen. Let's worry about real problems and not about marriage. I figure if I have to be married, I mean if I get to enjoy marriage, then every one should. It's only fair. Ha.

Arizaphale said... October 2, 2008 at 4:51 PM  

I just want to ditto everyone else and give you a link to my dear friend headbang who got married to his Master Right recently in Germany.
I do

I especially love Patrick's comments. Take a look! He is a person who definitely needs to get.a.life.

GB said... October 2, 2008 at 8:26 PM  

"I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I sure can make your bed rock!"
Ahh yes...the Flintstones....it really is the creationist's bible.
sorta like how they have dinosaurs with saddles at their creationist museum in..of all places, Kentucky...How apropos.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/williac/1036693826/

See, I think they did evolve. The smart religious people rode on the triceratops. A somewhat gentle giant, whereas clearly the sinners back in the day were forced to ride on the T-Rex. On occasion, as clearly it's God's will..the sinners shall be eaten. Yummy!

yup...I say we stick em all on an Kentucky, then take away hospitals, because I truly think medicine is the work of the devil. But on a more serious note.

I think organized religion, or religion in general especially the right wing nutzoids, sorta screwed themselves. In asserting their beliefs upon others, I think it further propagates the notion to the rest of us, that if you are religious...clearly you're pretty stupid. Which, I don't think was their original intent. Don't get me wrong, I don not think religious people are stupid (not all of them anyways), but when you have groups like "God hates fags" roaming around and protesting on the graves of American soldiers...it really doesn't help your cause. Or thinking that if gay people get married, the end of the world will happen, cats and dogs will be married to humans. That's just absurd. We're in the 20th century people....You retards originally escaped because of religious prosecution, now you get all high and mighty and wish to persecute others? Oh croak on a dinosaur saddle already and die. And while you're at it jump into a pit of lions. Ok that was a mean thing to say. Well, maybe not any more mean than, 'you're gonna go to hell and die' hahah. so I guess we're even. =)

GB said... October 2, 2008 at 8:32 PM  

oh n fer the record, my grandfather was a minister, and heh, I was I think slated to become one (Well I wasn't quite born yet) but I found out later and had a good kick out of it. So hope I don't offend anyone with my agnostic ways =) And even if I did...refer to my prior comment of choke on a dinosaur saddle!

abc said... October 3, 2008 at 3:57 AM  

I'm not against religion--I just support freedom of religion. Did the Puritans suffer for nothing?!

Plus, isn't it a bit presumptuous to think that anyone knows how best to run strangers' lives?

Formerly Fun said... October 3, 2008 at 7:34 AM  

a free man-
I always vote absentee b/c it guarantees I get my vote in no matter how the day is going. I also voted against CA Prop 8, such a waste of human and financial resources. Like you, I am not anti-relgion. I just wouldn't want science or government taught at church or temple or the reverse. In spite of what the right tells us, we may have a majority of Christians but we are not a Christian nation, big difference.

the incredible woody-
Woody, I feel the same way about the abortion debate. For the people who really have a problem with this, why don't the spend less time legislating morality and more time doing things that help women with unplanned pregnacies keep their children and how about something other than abstinence only education so we have fewer girls and boys that end up unexpected parents. Oy.

thecusp- Really right? Funny how it's someof the same people who want to amend the consitution to prohibit gay marriage are also the ones who don't see a problem with the Patriot act, which by the way is the biggest oxymoron ever.

mj-
hilarious, and so true. All those liscenses have fees attached to them so it is in fact a state revenue generator.

karitag-
like I said before, some people assume because the constitute a majority, that we are a Christian nation. And yes, slippery slope my friend.

sandi- oh yeah, I think these hotbed issues are drummed up by the leaders of the right to keep people chasing their tails and missing the real issues.

wrh said... October 3, 2008 at 12:10 PM  

Fantastic, forceful, and funny.

Loved it.

Maggie, Dammit said... October 5, 2008 at 5:35 PM  

Afuckingmen.

Gypsy said... October 6, 2008 at 8:47 AM  

Couldn't agree more.

And to think that the McCain camp wants to not only prohibit gay marriage but deny adoption rights to gay people, too. Unbelievable.

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