One Year

Sunday we celebrated my youngest daughter's first birthday. The day started well, hubs and the boy made pancakes for their three favorite girls. After breakfast, the bebe and I snuggled up in my bed and napped. As I held her I tried to imprint forever the feel of her warm, still nearly bald head. I tried to lock in the memory of the sweet smell of her breath and the lightness of her hand resting on my face, the way she smiles in her sleep when I kiss her and the chubbiness of her little feet. I tried to permanently etch in my mind the smallness of her, I'm still able to cradle the entirety of her in my arms.

Later in the day I went to take a bath and she followed me in and started trying to tug off her clothes. She loves showers and baths and this is her way of saying, “me too, me to.” Although I am socially adept, I am a true introvert and I love parties but they wear me out. I had hoped to relax on my own for a half hour before the onslaught of relatives.

Then I thought, how much longer will I have where I can just hoist her little bundle of naked baby goodness in the tub with me? So in she went and we played and laughed and splashed. It's the last baby and you know I've expressed some ambivalence about this. I'm glad we're done, I'm ready to be past the diapers and the vigilant watchful eye needed to get a baby to about three. I'm glad to have my sleep back. The older our children get, the more independent they become and the more time hubs and I have together. No matter how much I love the kids, he's my best friend, my point/counter point, my intellectual equal, my grownup maker of merry, my favorite travel companion and by BFF.

Still, here is one in a long line of lasts. She's still a snugglebug, but already she's asserting her independence, as I've encouraged her to do, as I encourage all of my kids to do. I'm glad she's not only walking but running. I'm glad she pushes me away and tries to figure out on her own how to do things. Yet I'll miss the clingy 8 pound ball of needs and wants who still felt somehow attached to my own body those first few months.

I am so excited to see the first glimpse of the girl she become. She is feisty and determined. She is adventerous but cautious. She'll climb up something with no fear and then cautiously stretch her foot out feeling for the ground. She gets over scrapes and falls so quickly, thankfully we haven't had a bad one yet.

She laughs constantly. Just today our cat, who the vet said has come down with a little cold, was doing this cough thing that kind of sounded like a muted quack and bebe found it so funny she was rolling on the floor in a fit of giggles. She has a bevy of words in her vocabulary, though she still hasn't said mom. She says ya, and da, and ba, pa but no ma the dirty rat.

With our eight year old, it was all about firsts, with our middle child we had experience on our side and with the bebe it's a lot about lasts. I know that sounds a little glass half empty but really it's just a reminder to myself to savor each moment.

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12 comments:

Dirty Pirate Hooker said... October 14, 2008 at 12:17 PM  

How sweet. I found myself trying to imprint memories of my punk when she was a baby too, sleeping in my arms. I always told myself, never forget THIS moment. And I haven't.

Just last night as I went to crawl into bed, I found her in mine and instead of moving her to her own bed, I layed down next to her and marveled at her fingers that have grown so much, her chin that I still love more than any other part of her, her stomach, her eyelashes, her soft breathing...it's so amazing, huh?

What the fuck just happened? Did the Hooker just show a mushy side? Quick, delete this comment!

Formerly Fun said... October 14, 2008 at 12:24 PM  

Jeez, skipping a cha wax to go to gymnastics, you're practically a soccer mom. Oh, I'm sorry, gymnastics MILF.

Bluestreak said... October 14, 2008 at 1:09 PM  

Beautiful post, FF.

Ok, my eggs are screaming now for sperm.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said... October 14, 2008 at 1:11 PM  

FF, oh no you di'nt.

My lovely friend Petite Gamine is driving up from San Diego on Thursday to do it for me with her home kit. I fear for my life. Seriously. I even had a dream last night that I was crying hysterically and there were patches all over my crotch.

And if she waxes me Thursday and I start humping Friday, is that ok? I couldn't remember the time frame.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said... October 14, 2008 at 1:12 PM  

that last comment probably should have been emailed to you, LOL

Sorry.

Spatula said... October 14, 2008 at 4:13 PM  

Virtual Niece is such a fun little chickie. Your bebe posts always crack me up, and I totally have to beat my ovaries off with a rusty shovel when I look at them.

A Free Man said... October 14, 2008 at 5:49 PM  

Happy Birthday to my future daughter in law!

Sometimes I seriously think that arranged marriages really would make your teen years a lot less angst ridden. I guess you would probably just find something else to be melodramatic about.

Florida Girl In Sydney said... October 14, 2008 at 7:34 PM  

You just made my ovaries hurt.

I want a baby right now.

SSG said... October 15, 2008 at 12:57 AM  

It's cool, it makes you think what parents thought of you. Me, I'm a twin, and so we were both first and last, my sister and I. And I think my mum lucked out- one pregnancy but two babies, SCORE! and pooing and sleepless nights were novelty and didn't get boring the second time round, but then it was over before she knew it I guess... Happy Birthday to your beautiful daughter!

MJ said... October 15, 2008 at 12:14 PM  

Aw. My nephew just celebrated one year on Sunday. Congrats to your little one - they grow up so fast!

Captain Steve said... October 16, 2008 at 10:01 AM  

My cousin is having this issue right now, with his first. He just turned 1, and Cousin insists on saying 12 months, because that makes him still a baby.

Gypsy said... October 17, 2008 at 11:24 AM  

That was lovely, and she is precious.

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