Ask FormerlyFun - Strange Scottish Girls, Ganja and Things that Go Bump in the Night

Oh the joys of waking up in the morning to a question in my inbox. Someone cares what I think, my parents WERE wrong. I have received a few queries from people regarding the scope of questions they can ask. Like your teacher said, there are no stupid questions. Well, there are some stupid questions but sometimes those are the most fun, no?

Dear FormerlyFun,
Just read the latest post where you invite questions, and I have a question, about waxing and cha-chas. I have been waxing and not shaving for the past 5 years, and would NEVER go back to shaving, it's just so yucky. But, the one grievance I have with waxing is that I always get ingrown hairs even though I exfoliate quite a lot (3 times a week) and it makes my cha-cha look not quite so nice, dontcha think? I want it smooth and hair free and red-bump free too, any tips?

Thank you,

You've reminded me of another strange Scottish girl I knew, she was a client of mine some years back. Now almost every woman who lays across my table bemoans her hirsute condition. Most are not hairy at all, we're just used to the scrubbed and squeaky clean images of women so we see a little fuzz and think, oh god what a yeti am I.

This client, she was in fact a very hairy girl. She was pale as pale can be with thick, black body hair. The poor thing, she probably had three hairs sticking out of every follicle. She couldn't just shave her legs or chacha because her hair was so dark, even just after shaving, it left a five o'clock shadow. I also couldn't only wax her bikini line because she was so hairy from the waist down, it would have looked odd to have no hair just around her pelvis but crazy hair pants the rest of the way down.

Because her hair was so thick and so profuse, waxing literally left her in tears. No doubt, waxing hurts but the thicker the diameter of the hair and the more hair per square inch, the greater the pain. She came a few times and left pleased with the results but traumatized nonetheless.

We tried OTC pain relievers and topical numbing creams to little avail. Finally one day she came in with a small bag and a plan. I've finally figured out what I need to do she told me. Out of the bag she pulled a small plastic bag filled with some of Long Beach's finest ganja. Well, you can't smoke that in here but you can go around back, I told her. So she came in a few minutes later looking infinitely more relaxed. Come on back, I said. Not done yet she informed me. Out of the same bag came two Zimas. She pounded one straight away in my reception area and started working on the other one as she followed me to the back.

It was a waxing like no waxing before. She giggled through most of it and even fell asleep for a few minutes toward the end. I certainly wouldn't recommend this for everyone, but this poor girl had earned the right.

So StrangeScottishGirl, as for your question. Ingrown hairs can be embarrassing and annoying. There are things you can do to minimize their recurrence but some people have a hair texture and shape that predisposes them to ingrowns. You are already exfoliating so that's good.

I know a lot of estheticians tout Tendskin but I have never had good results with it. The most effective remedy I have found for ingrowns is a salicylic/citric acid pad exfoliant. Get yourself some acne pads, you know the Clearasil or Oxy variety. My personal favorite is Clearasil Ultra Deep Pore Cleansing Pads but if you can't find these, look at similar products. Read the label, they should have salicylic acid as the active ingredient. Use these on your lady business the same way you would on your face, gently rub over the skin staying away from any mucous membranes(the moist tissue of the inner workings). Use the pads nightly to chemically exfoliate the skin, often more effective for people who suffer from ingrowns that physical exfoliants like scrubs and loofahs which can further irritate sensitive skin. Stop using the pads two or three days before your bikini wax to avoid damaging the skin.

If you still get ingrowns, whatever you do, don't pick at them. If you're brave you can follow the directions here, they are sound. Let them run their course. If they get large, very swollen or more tender than usual, see a dermatologist.

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Captain Steve said... October 13, 2008 at 10:46 AM  

You know, my roommate thinks it's odd that I read a blog by a aesthetician who waxes cha-chas. I think it's enlightening. I would never in a million years have thought to exfoliate the naughty bits with facial cleanser pads. Thank you.

Anonymous said... October 13, 2008 at 12:11 PM  

I am SO sending one of my horses to see you for this! I love me some FormerlyFun waxing tips!
Oh...and I don't think I had time to comment about your pretty preggers photo the other day. Lovely! Wow!

derfina said... October 13, 2008 at 1:36 PM  

A girlfriend and I used to have little waxing parties just like this. Thanks for the tips, and the memories!

Gypsy said... October 13, 2008 at 1:57 PM  

I think I've just had to come to terms with my hairiness. Poor Lancelot.

If I ever do get up the gumption to be waxed, I'm so emailing you for pointers, though.

Bimbo Baggins said... October 13, 2008 at 2:37 PM  

Gypsy, please tell me you call your vagina Lancelot? That's just too awesome.

Anonymous said... October 14, 2008 at 1:06 AM  

Formerly fun, you are a GODDESS! thank you for replying on your blog, you ROCK! Anyways, what are Zimas?
and Clearasil, what a great tip. I am telling my friends. Hahah laughing that someone wrote about my chacha on their blog. too funny. thank you! and I like the word chacha. Here we say "fanny" but i think that's something else stateside?

A Free Man said... October 14, 2008 at 4:50 AM  

Um, because I know the protagonist quite well (not THAT well), this is disturbingly too much information.

Anonymous said... October 14, 2008 at 5:50 AM  

PS I'm not like the other scottish girl and dead hairy, incase you're wondering. or a stoner, despite what a freeman might say

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