The Joys of the Yard Sale also Titled The Things That Sometimes Make Me Root Against Humanity



We had a yard sale Saturday and right out of the shoot, people are stealing stuff. A family pulled in, about 4 people and bought nothing but when they left, three pieces of jewelry were gone. I know because they were the first ones there and I had just put the stuff out. Steal bread, formula for your baby, but jewelry? It's not like it was diamonds but come on, fucking tacky. So the next group that came by I had to have my husband help me stand guard like we owned a convenience store and ten teenagers just walked in.


I had a bunch of practically new baby stuff to unload so I posted the yard sale on Craiglist figuring someone having a baby might like the whole lot. I had a double breast pump that my husband kept telling me how we might be able to incorporate into our lovemaking. I think he was joking, maybe. I had a new brand new Peg Perego stroller, a swing that the bebe used for about seven minutes and then never again. A walker, a couple of nice ass baby slings, a cool playmat that she loved but grew out of, a brand new bassinet with sheets, a crib sheet/bumper set, loads of brand new bebe clothes, tags on, and much more.

So this scruffy guy in his fifties pulls up in a noisy truck first thing in the before seven am and says how much for all of it. I tell him, $300 bucks, about 1/6 of it's original value. I'll give you seventy-five bucks, he says. No, I tell him and go back to laying the rest of the stuff out. You're not going to sell this stuff for much, you might as well give it to me, I'll give you a hundred.

I'll take my chances, it's early I tell him. How about a hundred-fifty he replies. Do you know someone having a baby I ask. Uh, he pauses, yeah. That's when I see all the other miscellaneous stuff piled into the bed of the truck and realize this guy is probably buying up the good stuff at yard sales and reselling it on ebay or craigslist.

Fine, two hundred he says. Nope, the price just went up to four. What? What are you going to do if nobody buys it? Tax write-off dipshit. What a tool. Anyhow, two very nice couples came by, each one with a mommy about to pop and bought up all my stuff at a steal but at least it went to a nice baby-wearing hippy momma and two other first time parents.

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7 comments:

Dirty Pirate Hooker said... September 22, 2008 at 9:58 AM  

I fucking love garage sales.

You should have had me come work it with you...I would have at least shanked the creepy guy.

Bluestreak said... September 22, 2008 at 10:11 AM  

I don´t remember any thievery going on at the last yard sale we had. But I do remember people buying shit that I could not even imagine why on earth they would by it...like my husbands old tennis shoes. I would have paid someone else to take those things away.

Jay said... September 22, 2008 at 11:45 AM  

How cheap to steal stuff from a yard sale! Next time, bribe a kid to stand at the gate with a digital camera and take pics of everyone coming in, plus their cars' plates.

It probably would have taken care of skanky guy, too. ;)

Michelle said... September 22, 2008 at 12:11 PM  

ugh. The last time we had a yard sale, we also had a guy come up and want to buy everything for practically nothing first thing in the morning and tried the same tactics your guy did! Do they think we're stupid?

I'm a little jealous I missed out on the good baby deals since my first will be here in the spring!

The Incredible Woody said... September 22, 2008 at 12:30 PM  

OMG - I have never heard of someone stooping so low as to steal from a yard sale!! My husband is the king of yard sales - he can sell anything!

Rassles said... September 23, 2008 at 8:26 AM  

You don't by any chance have any tacky pictures in ugly frames that I can snatch, do you? Because I'm making a collage.

Gypsy said... September 24, 2008 at 11:53 AM  

We are in desperate need of a garage sale.

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