My childhood friend Stef and I used to while away the hours frequently stoned in creative pursuit of all things hilarious(to us).

We'd make up alternate verses to the Diarrhea Song, you know, the song that goes, "When you're sliding into home, and your pants are filled with foam, diarrhea." Our version included gems like, "when you're visiting a castle, and a chamber pots a hassle, diarrhea", and "when your sphincter's in the ruins cause you ate too many prunes, diarrhea." Anyhow, you get the picture.

We would do other random things like catalogue the entire contents of our purses and write Haiku using these items. For example:

lipstick, tampon, lovenote
swimming in ciggarette flakes
our lives at sixteen

Stef and I would make up alternate identities complete with accents and stay in character all night. Our accents vascillating between rough approximations of Russian and French. Oh, how many times we convinced strangers we were from Belgium(almost no one knows what Belgians sound like).

We would also come up with porn names for mainstream movies. So for all you movie buffs(pun intended), I've compiled a list. Get your Christmas lists ready, many of these are real films.

Titty Slickers
A Clockwork Orgy
Single White Shemale
Butch Lesbian and the Lapdance Kid

On Golden Blonde
Glad He Ate Her
Enema of the State
Lawrence of Labia
Splendor in the Ass
The Empire Strokes Black
Cumming On America
The Sperminator
Sheepless in Montana
Forrest Hump
Fuckit List
Breakfast in Tiffany
Moulin Splooge
The Adventures of Robin's Hood
You've Got Tail
The Great Dick Taster
Singin' in the Golden Shower
Frisky Business
Pulp Friction
Ed's Wood
Juranal Park
Snatch Adams
Her Rear Window
Twin Cheeks
A Midsummer's Night Cream
Intercourse With A Vampire
Dangerous Behinds
Hannah Does Her Sisters
Big(no change needed there)
Adam's Trib
White Men Can't Hump
Star Whores
An American in Paris Hilton
Apollo's 13 Inches
All That Jizz
Pole Driving Miss Daisy
Bi on the 4th of July
Lord of the Cockrings
Spankenstein(one of my favourite titles)
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Poon
The Humpining
Titty Titty Bang Bang
Das Boob
Hi Infidelity
American Booty
A Tale of Two Titties
Se7en Inches
Breast in Show
Shaving Ryan's Privates

Is it a little sad, and telling, that these are still funny to me?

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Anonymous said... June 29, 2008 at 9:32 PM  

If laughing at those is wrong, I don't wanna be right. Inside, I am a 10 year old boy. Rock on, sister.

Anonymous said... June 30, 2008 at 8:58 AM  

Arf! arf!

Anonymous said... June 30, 2008 at 7:55 PM  

Shaving Ryan's Privates? Isn't this what you do on Fridays?

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