Making it Look Easy. Who's Bright Idea Was That?
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Ok, I feel a rant coming on but can I just say that when we as women decided(at that conference we all attended) not only would we do most of the family work, but we would aspire to make it look effortless, we totally fucked up. Who's bright idea was this anyway?
As I fess up about being on an antidepressant(I was calling them mood stabilizers for awhile because it seemed less sad and more like a glass of wine) shloads of clients and friends have told me they're on them as well. Most of them are moms with young children. Hmmmm, I'm sensing a pattern here.
On one hand, it doesn't make me feel like such a nut job but on the other hand, it makes me a little sad and concerned for ALL the mothers I know. What is it about the job that's forcing so many of us to take medication to get by? When I went to my OB and told her I was feeling like a worthless piece of shit, like I was doing everything half-ass she went through with me all of the things I do and am responsible for and finally after hearing someone else say, “you are doing too much, you need to go easier on yourself,” I finally believed it. Why did I need a doctor to tally up all the things I do to make me feel ok, that's sick.
When men do stuff around the house, they make a big deal about how difficult it was but here's us all, no problem, it's easy, look I've got it all together, no effort here don't worry, oh sure, I've got time, you need anything else. What are we thinking? No wonder what we do is undervalued. It's like the supermodels who say , oh, I eat whatever I want and never exercise I'm just blessed I guess, when we all know they are smoking, throwing up everything they eat and at the gym 24/7.
We pretend motherhood isn't work and sacrifice. I've heard so many moms say, oh I could never imagine my life without my children. I, on the other hand, frequently imagine my life without them, and guess what, it's never as good as my real life with them in it, but I do think about it. And guess what, I think the women who say they have never thought what their lives might be like if they didn't have children are BIG FAT LIARS.
That's another thing, why are we so unsupportive of each other? Now that's a generalization because I know many women who do support each other, even moms making vastly different choices then their peers, but really, have we not all felt the judgement of other women be it friends, coworkers, peers, even family. My mother-in-law has made references that I'm readying our children for the foreign brigade because my seven year old unloads the dishwasher, makes his own lunch and my four year old makes her bed and gets dressed on her own. I don't even know what the foreign brigade is but I'm pretty sure it's not a compliment. Even my own grandmother has asked me on more than one occasion,”What do you do?” They act like I'm Mommy Dearest for expecting that my kids and husband pitch in.
When I get all worked up about those two I just try to remember that when they were raising their kids, they smoked and drank when they were pregnant, they typically did not breastfeed, and they put their babies to bed on their stomachs(probably right after feeding them peanut butter and honey). They didn't put the kids in seatbelts, forget bike helmets, and did lots more stuff WRONG. Ok, this has turned into quite the rant, guess I'm angrier about this than I thought.
I have had a myriad of jobs since my first at 13. They were of varying degrees of prestige, difficulty, pay, etc.. Motherhood is, hands down, the most challenging thing I have ever done. It is also the most rewarding, heart swelling, hilarious, humbling, exciting thing I have ever been a part of. One thing I've come to love about the blogosphere is that women let their guard down and are far more honest with each other than you will ever get in a playgroup or PTA meeting. I just wish women would stop aspiring to make it look so easy because we all know it's not. And maybe, if we were all a bit more honest about that then everyone in her inauguration to motherhood wouldn't have to go through that period when you think you are the only one having a hard time.