My Client the Pornstar, No Really

I have talked a little bit about some of the more odd clients I have serviced at the spa. There was no good, stinky, hairpants lady and of course my first manzilian. It should be known that most of my clients are perfectly normal men and women who just want less body and facial hair, fewer wrinkles, clearer pores, softer skin, well-groomed eyebrows, dark lashes, pretty hands and feet and unkinked muscles. Still,when you work on enough people, some of them are going to fly their freak flags higher than others.

One of the things I sometimes ask new clients toward the end of their wax is,

"So is anyone going to appreciate my handiwork here
besides you?”

Usually the client will tell me about her boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or potential hookup. So imagine my surprise when I asked Darlene* this same question and she informed me that my work would be appearing on film, uncredited of course.

"Huh? Wuh?"
I was a little confused and she read it on my face.

”I'm doing a porn tomorrow.”
“Really.” I said, trying to keep an even un-myjawjustdroppedonthefloorohmygodreallynoreallynoreally?

I had pegged her as a possible stripper when she came in. She was tall, thin, big fake boob stretched unnaturally taut against her bony chest, Juicy Couture velour pants in cotton candy pink, a nearly see through white wifebeater, too much fake tan, belly ring, tongue ring, and a stumbly-swagger from what seemed to be a creative cocktail of prescription meds.

I have a pretty big roster of the strippers, nice girls really, many of them a little broken, a little lewd, oversharers, I'm not always right but after waxing so many, I get a sense for these things. I can also spot the recently divorced women edging their way back into the dating world, the married ladies trying to spice things up a little and women who are on my table in spite of their reticence and fear because their mate suggested it.

After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I had a million questions, she offered the information so I figured at this point there was very little verboten. Is this your first one? No. Have you been doing this for awhile? Yes. What, what kind of films do you do? Oh, wow all that hmm, what don't you do? Does anyone do that? What's your stage name? (Mental note to self to burn this into my memory so I can unfiltered results google her later.)What's it like? Are you enjoying yourself at all? Didn't think so. How much money do you make? That's it? Really? I really thought it would be more. Does your family know? Do you like your job?

She was really forthcoming with the intel, the only thing that threw me off was the next time she came in to get a microdermabrasion facial, her murmurs of pleasure were just a little too hedonistic for my liking. I didn't want any clients to hear her and think we offered a little extra if you asked real nice.

And the answer is yes. Yes, I remembered her name. Yes, I unfiltered google searched her. Yes, I watched the clip, ok, all the clips. All I can say is I am meticulous, and her next set of films were going to be looking even better.

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Anonymous said... November 6, 2008 at 11:09 PM  

Did her family know? Were they freaked? Did your work stand up to film? Why is it that all the girls are always full frontal, but never the men?

Anonymous said... November 7, 2008 at 1:33 AM  

you're job is WAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY interesting. jealous. you should interview her for the blog...

A Free Man said... November 7, 2008 at 3:30 AM  

The interview SSG proposes is a brilliant idea!

I used to try to make a living as a freelance photographer whilst living in Seattle. The only time I've been to your part of the country was when I was hired and flown down to do Left a really bad taste in my mouth. But I made my rent in a weekend. I quit photography shortly thereafter.

derfina said... November 7, 2008 at 6:19 AM  

Oh, come on now. You can tell US. What WON'T she do???

Gypsy said... November 7, 2008 at 8:52 AM  

Oh, I have to know! Loving porn is one of my dirty secrets, which is just how it should be. I saw The Opening of Misty Beethoven the other day, which was done way before waxing or even shaving became de rigeur. There was some serious bush going on.

Anonymous said... November 7, 2008 at 4:32 PM  

Gypsy and I saw an old French porn once.

All bush. All the time.

By the way, my verification word is sneesept.

It's so much fun to say I can barely stand it.

GirlGriot said... November 7, 2008 at 10:56 PM  

Whoa. And I thought my students were the kings and queens of exhibitionism and oversharing!

Shouldn't you get, like, royalties every time your handiwork is shown?

formerly fun said... November 7, 2008 at 11:47 PM  

Her family was pretty disjointed but her mom knew and she said she didn't approve. I looked her up out of morbid curiosity after her first visit but I never saw the movie she was about to film. Uh, the movie clips I did see, everyone was full frontal and there was nothing left to the imagination.

I would love to have interviewed her, especially with more time to ponder deeper questions, sadly she kind of fell off the radar and I only hope it wasn't a bad end, drugs, disease, or worse-it's a pretty rough industry, many of the girls use the $ to fuel drug habits they had before or the developed to cope with the nature of that industry.

Yes, I found it seedy in a very unsexy way. I've never been a prude by any stretch of the imagination but knowing the realities of the traumatic backgrounds of so many of these women and the realities of the industry, it's hard not to look at it differently.

as long as it was adult(girl or boy) and human, there wasn't anything she didn't do.

Is that a vintage one? Year? Great title.

duck-sneesept, yeah she did that too.

I think royalties would be fair but instead all I got was a mild case of the heeby geebies.

Anonymous said... November 8, 2008 at 3:19 AM  

Wow ... interesting customers you get! I think it would leave a bad taste with me too, but I guess it depends on how the 'star' feels about it all and whether they're paid enough. Sounds like your young lady wasn't.

Anonymous said... November 10, 2008 at 12:21 AM  

now a freeman has a story to tell there too

Anonymous said... November 10, 2008 at 5:49 PM  

I demand you get royalties for your work. And that she get more money for hers. Damn! This is fantastic! Thanks for sharing about the oversharing!

Anonymous said... November 11, 2008 at 1:58 PM  

Is there a Quality Control position open at the Spa? I have 16 years of engineering experience with 6 years of direct Quality Assurance work. I'm a self starter, hit the ground running kinda guy!

Bluestreak said... November 16, 2008 at 6:10 AM  

I would love to be able to ask questions to a real live porn star.

Anonymous said... January 31, 2009 at 9:44 AM  

You sound like you're excellent at what you do. I say this because I've been to several Brazilian bikini waxing artists (and it is an art) and they are not all created equal. I finally found the perfect one. She is seriously awesome (though not quite as awesome as you obviously are :)She talks a LOT during the procedure (it feels like that, like a procedure)and her stories are just so good that they actually distract from the pain, which is pretty intense. Anyway, I think your work is very important. Woman, and the few men brave enough to undergo such a wax, are rendered very vulnerable during the process. And it takes a special person to put them at ease and help them through it. The pain is very worth the result, I have to admit!

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