Performance Review for My Husband


Areas Requiring Attention:
1.Don't ask, "What's that smell?" when you smell anything that you believe I had anything to do with, be it candles, perfume, dinner or something coming from the bathroom.

2.Don’t tell me how much money we owe someone or how big our Visa bill was if I'm already cranky or I just woke up, it might provoke crying.

3.Don't stir my food when I'm cooking or turn down the heat on a dish, that's called supervising, you do it when you're in charge-in the kitchen, I'm the boss. And by the way frequent stirring ruins the carmelization(said in a snooty manner).

4.They are not MY cats, they're OUR cats.

5.Sure, I'll start putting the cordless phones back on the cradle, when you can get your clothes in the hamper and the condiments in the fridge door.

6.Don’t ask me if I want you to do something, as in do you want me to change her, do you want me to pick up dinner, do you want me to take the kids out so you can get a break, do you want me to rub your back-just do it(preferable) or reason with yourself to do it another time(less preferable) but when you ask I have a hard time saying yes.



Competencies
1.You are a hero for traversing my moods and whims with nothing more hostile or sarcastic than the occasional confused look.

2.Your at least three times weekly full body rubs are sometimes the only thing I have to look forward to.

3.That thing you do, you know the thing I’m talking about. That is good, keep doing that.

4.After my grandfather's funeral, when we all went back to my grandma's and you sat next to me in the living room with the women instead of going and watching stupid sports with the other guys you added yet another permanent entry on the list of reasons I love you.

5.The stovetop popcorn churner was a great present, unlike the giant bread board-- I’m sorry, I know it’s confusing.

6.Thank you for never, not even one time, telling me that I'm just like my mother.

7.You are almost always the first one to make peace after an argument, I love that about you.

8.Thank you for being as funny, affectionate and adoring as you were when we dated.

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3 comments:

Spatula said... May 30, 2008 at 10:32 AM  

Aw! And Hee! And Aw.

Formerly Fun said... May 30, 2008 at 4:26 PM  

I know, sometimes he's so nice, it makes me throw up in my mouth a little.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said... August 22, 2008 at 2:01 PM  

awwwww, how sweet! and funny.

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