The Fur Trade

I spend a lot of time around vaginas. By trade I am an esthetician(basically a professional face washer, pimple popper, brow shaper, hair remover) and my specialty, the thing I do better than almost anyone else, is the Brazilian bikini wax. I am university educated but chose to spend my workdays chatting with woman while I rip out various areas of body hair. I make a better hourly gross than I would have if I had gone to law school as originally planned and being around women of varied ages, ethnicities, economic and social backgrounds is good for my soul. It’s kind of like being paid to be a girlfriend, well, if your girlfriend was a dominatrix.

When people find out what I do for a living, I am usually pelted(pun intended) with loads(tufts?) of questions. The most frequent? Does it hurt? Hurt? No, more like a fierce, fire-anty kind of sting receding into what can only be described as a nuclear sunburn. I’m not advertising my spa services here so I can be honest. Another frequent question I get is, how can you look at vaginas all day? To which I ask, how can you look at those ugly kids of yours all day? Ok I am totally kidding, I forgot to take my pill today. I also get asked, by women only, whether or not I think vaginas are ugly. Ugly? Don’t we already have enough to be insecure about without worrying about whether our cha chas need Botox. I have seen hundreds of vaginas and I have never seen an ugly one. Actually, there was one, but in all fairness to said ugly vagina, it had pushed out 10 children, I think it had earned the right.

I love what I do, it's like getting paid to have a girl's night out but my real love is writing. The spa gives me time with neat women, great material, a chance to escape my kids and a write-off for all of my beauty addictions. I talk to women all day and my clients tell me things they won't tell anyone else so I have some good stories to tell. They cover the spectrum: juicy, poignant, sad, hysterical and more and yes, stuff about me too-- I can't wait to share them with you.

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Just an Average Girl said... May 29, 2008 at 3:59 PM  

I would like to say Thank You for the first truthful explanation of how much it hurts. I've always wanted to have a Brazilian but the coward in me makes me run away. Not to mention being on all fours, while someone rips the hair from my girly bits. YIKES!

Anonymous said... May 30, 2008 at 4:42 PM  

I have to tell you, I don't ever put a woman on all fours, I have women stay laying down and pull their knees to their chest, slightly more modest and even more effective. Yes, the pain is bad but the payoff's great and it gets WAY easier after the 1st one. My advice, take a Vicodin and go for it.

Anonymous said... June 5, 2008 at 7:24 PM  

Tomorrow when I am (more) functional, I am totally linking to this on WRH. This is fantastic. You are the INSIDE source on vaginas and waxing. You should charge. You should sell tickets (to the blog, not the waxing. That would be weird). I have at least forty questions. I hope you take vitamins and get lots of rest. I'm a little (!) obssessive and I'm afraid your job might be my latest reason not to do my work.

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