The Girl Gestapo

I was reading “O”prah magazine this morning while the baby slept and I came across something that irritated me. I wanted to blog about it, it wasn’t something egregious, just something that bothered me. I started this little diatribe in my head while I finished cleaning the kitchen pondering how I was going to write about it when I realized something very important. I am terrified to blog about Oprah. Now the overly optimistic part of me(the one that also believes I still have a shot at becoming a professional trapeze artist or play cello for the symphony though I have never touched a cello in my life)thinks someday I am going to do something worthy of being on Oprah’s show, like the lady who invented Spanx or Betty Broderick who killed her husband. Saying something bad about her would ruin that aspiration. I imagine her inviting me on pretending she’d never read the snarky thing I’d written and then she’d confront me in front of her studio audience who would gasp in horror and then throw their favorite things at me. Plus, I wouldn’t be able to meet Gayle or Dr. Oz. The other part of me is consumed with a genuine, deep-seated fear. I’m afraid of Oprah. I think Oprah Winfrey could make someone disappear. Look at James Frey, he made her angry and have we heard from him since? Note: I am in no way suggesting that Oprah would actually murder anyone, Oprah did you hear that, seriously don’t pick up the phone to call your ‘people’, I have three children who need a mother. So for the time being, the only thing I’ll be blogging about Oprah, is not blogging about Oprah.

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Anonymous said... June 2, 2008 at 11:39 AM  

Honey Girl, you and I have some serious talking to do. For a glimmer of my disdain, check this out:

I was a little on the rant-y side that day, and I, too wondered if I would get a knock on my front door from some fabulously dressed thugs.

Who knows? If she gets her chess piece into the White House, maybe we'll be flagged on some list.

At least I'll know about you, and you'll know about me, and we can go public. Just not on her show. ;)

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