Would I Lie to You?

I don't dabble in chain mail or chain posts or whatever they are called online or even blog awards for that matter and yet, every once in awhile I will get picked for something that is actually insightful and interesting. The Well Read Hostess(and she is and her dad wrote a book and was on The Daily Show so that makes her kind of famous and she teaches 9th graders so she should be given a bunch of humanity awards and probably a big fat raise, she has very nice toes and runs a virtual book club if you haven't heard of it.) picked me for a "Be Honest" post which either means she thinks I am a big fat liar(probably not because she is a very nice Well Read Hostess and I am a pretty honest girl) or she thinks someone who waxes vag for a living and has a super sexy husband might have a few juicy things up her sleeve.

As she related in her post, woman have a tendency to lie. We don't lie to deceive so much as to blend into our environments much like the chameleon changes color. We pretend things are easier than they are because we want to appear to have it all together. Because of course we look around and everyone else seems to be doing okay(see the viscous cycle here??) We leave out details of marital spats, calls home from school, a lackluster job review perhaps out of fear that others will make a mountain out of a mole hill. Maybe it's out of fear that others will offer to help us and we'll feel beholden or looked down upon. But it is important to share the truth, it's one of the things that attracted me to this whole blogging thing in the beginning. I found the virtual anonymity fostered in many, a more honest sharing of the highs and lows of being human in this day and age.

So in the spirit of full disclosure

1.There are very few things I won't talk about. The thing I rarely discuss, at least online, is when my husband and I argue or don't get along. I don't do it to impart an image of perfection as much as when it comes to our conflicts, I have learned a short memory serves me well. Writing about it would leave a record and I am already bad enough about keeping score, I don't need to have the evidence to go back to. The truth is, we argue. Thankfully it doesn't happen too often because he is almost perfect but it happens. One of the last arguments we had was after he let my nine year old buy something before he had saved enough allowance. "He's going to pay it off over the next few allowances," he said. "Wonderful," I replied, "you just taught my nine year old how to use a credit card." Maybe I'll write about that one because it was funny(and I was right and I am much more likely to write about the time I was right than when he was right).

2.Like Well Read Hostess, I wish I were a better mom and wife some days. I wish I didn't crave and guard my personal time so closely. I'm an extroverted introvert and I need that time alone to recharge but it makes me feel selfish.

3.I regret getting a dog. I love her, the family loves her, in time I may even like her again but she is way more work than I bargained for and every time she escapes our front door and takes off running toward the busy street, my heart lurches and I pray she doesn't get hit by a car. All that silent pleading has made me resent her, oh and she won't stop shitting in the house.

4.In spite of all my koombayas about accepting yourself and appraising your body kindly, I think I will always struggle with body image. It's probably why I have written so much about it, it helps me work through it. I intellectually understand but accepting myself on an emotional level is much more challenging.

5.Years ago a bunch of my college poker buddies were all talking about how crazy girls make the best lovers. I took great exception to that because I knew I was a girl with, shall we say, certain talents and I clearly had my shit together. Years later, turns out? Yep, I am the crazy one.

6.I'm embarrassed by how much tv I watch. I go glassy-eyed watching Top Chef and every once in awhile, I uncomfortably contemplate all the things I could have accomplished with that time.

7. I have a nice singing voice but I am uncomfortable performing. Once I start doing it, I'm ok but just beforehand I get severely nauseated and panicky. It's stupid because people always enjoy it but I, ugh, just thinking about it brings on some cold sweats . It took me a long time to even sing comfortably in front of my husband and he's seen me nekkid, in fluorescent and other exposing things. I do not, however, have any hesitation singing to my children, go figure.

8.I am really impatient with my kids. I do things efficiently and quickly and I have never quite learned how to dial it down. They are slowly wearing me down. Truthfully, the bebe will probably have it easiest.

9.When I moved out to California,I quit smoking, I lost a bunch of weight and got healthy. I ate well, I ran, I drank green tea, did yoga, took ballet classes, I was a well oiled machine, I maintained it for 8 years and I promised myself I would never be overweight again. Guess what? (While I fell off the wagon with things like bagels and real, homemade buttered popcorn, I never did start smoking again.)

10.I am outwardly, a very outgoing person but actually, I am very introverted, being chatty and getting to know people is something I do to get comfortable. I hate silences with newish people, it makes me really uncomfortable and sometimes I just talk and talk and the little inside my head voice is begging me to shut up and let someone else talk.

Ok, that's it.

I nominate because I lurvs them:

Rassles(cause I wonder what secrety secrets a wacky twentysomething has)
Blues(cause she lives in Spain and her secrets probably have a spicy, Latin tinge to them)
Ginny(cause she has a life very close to mine)
Gypsy(cause she is so nice, there has to be a little dirt there)

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A Free Man said... October 8, 2009 at 4:15 PM  

I'm currently obsessed with homemade buttered popcorn. And caramel mud cake (which is better than it sounds). And I'm convinced I'm going to start putting on weight. Maybe I'll just start skipping dinner.

Chamuca said... October 8, 2009 at 4:46 PM  

I think most people want to give the appearance of having their shit together.

Hell, my blog is completely anonymous, and I'm having a difficult time getting past the "exposing-myself-to-everyone" fear.

Your blog is not-so-anonymous and I think it's admirable to not talk shit about your husband for the whole world to see.

But I think you're right about Rassles. I just know there's some sexy time shenanigans she's gotten up to. I wanna hear 'em!

Thanks for giving me the link to her by the way :).

JanB said... October 8, 2009 at 6:54 PM  

I am so your twin on number seven. And a lot of the others, too. We do sound good, why can't we just sing like we're doing it in the car? Damn.

well read hostess said... October 8, 2009 at 8:21 PM  

Except 7, we are one.

And also, you explained my gripe about women lying way better than I did. And also, "extroverted introvert" is the only thing I have ever heard that describes me. And also, I now need some buttered popcorn.

p.s. I'm scouting plane tickets to head out your way to see the grandma. Keep you posted.

Gypsy said... October 9, 2009 at 7:20 AM  

Thank you, thank you, thank you for giving me something to blog about.

Also, I'm totally not that nice.

Rassles said... October 9, 2009 at 9:26 AM  

Well, this is going to be interesting.

Blues said... October 9, 2009 at 11:21 AM  

You nominated me! I'm all blushy and happy now. And super freaked out about the possible secrets I may have to reveal. Well, at least none of my family is reading anymore. Wait, now you guys are gonna find out just how boring I really am.

Arizaphale said... October 9, 2009 at 7:49 PM  

I never give the impression of having my shit together, at least i don't think I do. If I do it's an accident because I most definitely DON'T have my shit together.
Oh and I could have written number 10 too.

well read hostess said... October 16, 2009 at 9:18 AM  

Did you get my email...I'm coming to see that husband of yours in person. I mean YOU. I am coming to see YOU.

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