That Special, Special Time of Year

We are coming to that magical time of year, the time that all parents look forward to with hope and expectation. Do I speak of Christmas? No, I'm talking about the time from now until Christmas when we parents get to use Santa as a threat against bad behavior.

Santa's not going to like that.

I wouldn't talk like that if I were you, you know who is watching your every move.

You think Santa likes when you wipe your nose on your sleeve?

What do you think Santa brings little boys who tease their sisters?

Go ahead, do what you want, but I'm going to have a good long talk with Santa about it.

The threat of a meager gift outpouring works wonders on my eight year old who goes to sleep each night not with visions of sugarplums but rather flight simulator video games, electric scooters and Captain Underpants books. He is beginning to ask questions about the whole Santa business. He's very logical so questions of physics and time have been asked and the answer of “magic” is wasted on him.


He's starting to catch on and I'm guessing by next year he will have finally made the transition fully. Boy is he going to be pissed when he realizes the threat of Santa was just a paper tiger. He's going to be surprised to find even we don't have control over the grandparents rampant consumerism. No matter how we plea for fewer plastic toys and more money for their college funds, the Grandparents show up each year with what looks like the entire contents of the children's section of Big Lots.

I think I'm going to start pushing the kids to ask Grandma and Grandpa for the stuff we want, summer camp for our oldest, weekends at Grandma's all around, maybe a hot tub, now that's something I could really get behind.

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8 comments:

gnomespeak said... November 18, 2008 at 10:14 AM  

Dude, he is going to own you when he transitions. Threats of telling the younger siblings will abound.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said... November 18, 2008 at 10:20 AM  

Oh, my favorite time of year. I actually have Santa on speed dial and am not afraid of calling him at the drop of a hat for bad behavior. Works like a fucking charm.

Gypsy said... November 18, 2008 at 12:26 PM  

Too bad this doesn't work on dogs. "Santa will kick you if you pee in the house again." No? Damn.

A Free Man said... November 18, 2008 at 3:03 PM  

Looking forward to using Santa as a means of behavioral control. Love that poster, but then I am a grinch.

Rassles said... November 18, 2008 at 3:57 PM  

Gypsy, I thought you wrote, "Santa will kick you in the pee house."

And now I'm going to start saying that.

Formerly Fun said... November 18, 2008 at 8:24 PM  

Gnome-
I never thought of that. Oops.

dph-
I know,it makes me a little power hungry. Kid has never figured out that no matter what, he gets a ton of stuff, even when he's pulled a giant bonehead move, like the night before.

gypsy-
I know, too bad it doesn't work on husbands though since occassionally the dads dress up as Santa, I 'spose you could say, "hubs if you're not good, Santa's not going to come this year."(wink wink, nudge nudge)

afreeman-
Yeah, the threatening part of it is cool. I'm a giant grinch too, I hate Christmas, probably because I'm not even Chriatian and I hate spending money on crap.

Rassles-
Are you drinking again?

Gypsy said... November 19, 2008 at 10:28 AM  

Re: Rassles drinking. Again? I think you mean "still."

Rassles said... November 19, 2008 at 12:49 PM  

Don't tell, or Santa will kick me in the pee house. ZING.

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