Reader's Indigestion

Based on its advertising, Reader's Digest is for very sick people. I have never seen so many ads for prescription medication, not even in magazines like Prevention or the Great Big Magazine of Prescription Medication or RX Fancy. You could play a drinking game where every time you read the words, "Ask your doctor" you take a drink and you'd pass out before you even got halfway through the Reader's Digest.

Reader's Digest also holds the Guinness World record for most inserts ever. I picked up a copy at my Grandma's and so many little 3x5 cards for things like commemorative coins, weird looking fetus dolls and figurines came out that the weight of it crushed my Grandma's dog. Reader's Digest, fucking heartless I tell you. Rest in peace Eleanor Woofsvelt.

One of the medications advertised was for Restless Leg Syndrome which lists as a warning symptom compulsiveness in sexual habits. My husband keeps suggesting that I should at least give it a try but I don't even have restless leg syndrome. A bunch of other pharma ads suggested you call or write in for a free pamphlet on the disease. You know some bored old lady is writing in just to get something free or to get mail back. Or hoping someone she knows is going to get the ailment and she can say, "Oh Madge, I have a book on that, why don't you come over for some rolls and coffee and I'll show it to you."

What is it about free stuff that makes people mental. Have you seen the women on shows like Oprah. Some of the stuff I can understand, I mean if someone gave me a car , a vacation or a new kitchen, I would definitely jump up and down and there would be hugs all around, but screaming over things like a pint of ice cream, a cookbook? My grandma goes bonkers at the golf course taking handfuls of those stubby pencils with no erasers. Hey Grandma, why don't you let me treat you to a nice box of Berol #2s, seriously, it's on me.

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12 comments:

The Incredible Woody said... November 3, 2008 at 10:18 AM  

My husband always insists on taking all the crap from hotel rooms. I have enough little bottles of shampoo, shoe shine pads, etc to start my own store.

cndymkr / jean said... November 3, 2008 at 11:53 AM  

Have you met my husband? He believes "if it's free it's for me and I'll take three". It's embarrassing!

A Free Man said... November 3, 2008 at 4:18 PM  

Readers Digest blows - seriously. All those "condensed books" as well. Yuck.

One of the big problems with the American health care system (among the obvious ones) is the Pharma companies role in things, they pay doctors to overmedicate people. I mean, for fuck's sake, restless leg syndrome? Take a fucking walk.

A Free Man said... November 3, 2008 at 4:19 PM  

Sorry, that was a lot of "fucks".

Practically Joe said... November 3, 2008 at 9:43 PM  

In defense of Reader's Digest ...
The print issues with really really big letters and they do have some funny jokes.

SSG said... November 4, 2008 at 2:03 AM  

restless leg syndrome- working on a doctors company i see thats due to lack of ferritin, and makes you want to move your muscles all the time... my auntie gets it a lot and i get it now and again, normally when i've overloaded on suagr and no exercise ;o)

Rassles said... November 4, 2008 at 9:51 AM  

I'm ambivalent towards the Dige. I mean, on one hand, it annoys me. On the other hand, if I wasn't so un tune with my surroundings, I would have beeb unaware that it was the most popular magazine in the US, then I never would have been the Trivial Pursuit Champion of my college.

Oh yeah. The whole college. Take that.

And have you checked out Cat Fancy lately? Whoa, depressing.

Rassles said... November 4, 2008 at 9:52 AM  

I just said "un tune" instead of "in tune."

So don't be fooled by trivial pursuit. I'm an idiot.

Rassles said... November 4, 2008 at 9:52 AM  

"beeb"

GAAHHHH

Formerly Fun said... November 4, 2008 at 1:51 PM  

woody-
Out of a sense of value I probably would too except at every hotel besides the FourSeasons and a few boutique hotles, the shampoo et al is crap, it's like 'emergency' shampoo.

jean-
my grandma takes everything at the restaurant in her doggy bag, leftovers, rolls, napkins and occasionally a salt and pepper shaker. She also has a million decrepid packets of ketchup, again what for? I buy her a brand new bottle of ketchup, she'll take it but those little packets aren't fgoing anywhere.

afreeman-nice. remember how I said I was going to use your blog to vent about family, well you can use mine to overuse expletives.

joe-

really? you're going to defend the RD? and for large print issues? that kinda makes you old a little:)

ssg-
I get rls when I don't want to do stuff.

rassles- evewn though you have trouble with the fundementals of language, you can be team captain at any bar trivia games, you can so be the boss of me:)

Bluestreak said... November 16, 2008 at 5:48 AM  

somehow i knew rassles would kick ass at trivia.

Zach said... March 2, 2009 at 8:48 AM  

"ssg-
I get rls when I don't want to do stuff."


That's not RLS, but nice try.. I've never met a person with daily RLS that hasn't said they wouldn't even wish it on their worst enemy. It's torture, and many of us feel real PAIN.

It's not simply about ferritin. My ferritin level was over 100 when I tested, quite normal. Genetic research has also identified particular genes as being candidates for RLS problems.

All this hysteria about big pharma inventing crap is hurting real people, and keeping them from getting the treatment they may very well need.

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