Santa is My Homey

You have to click on this to see it full size. This is the actual letter I wrote to Santa in 1979, when I was a wee 6 years old. You know when I look at this kind of thing retrospectively, my take on it changes. Here's what I see now:

1. I am a giant Santa ass-kisser. How many times did I really need to tell Santa that I love him? After the second time, it just seems insincere.

2. I gave Santa way too much personal information. Of course I have blackened it out for the interwebs, don't want Santa tracking me down now.

3. My grammar and spelling are pretty much the same as they are now.

4. "I might have some cookies"? I guess even then I was a gigantic tease. "I might have some cookies," I bet Santa was thinking, "well, bitch, I might have some presents."

5. Why did I draw myself all googly eyed and retarded looking? Santa looks just fine but not my picture. Let it be known that I did not have a lazy eye growing up, that picture is wholly inaccurate.

6. Why am I dressed just like Santa? Was I perhaps posturing to be the next Mrs. Claus when Santa traded up for a younger, less "jolly" model? Yeah, I trade favors for presents, so?

7. Did I really draw feces under Rudolph? Sure looks like it.

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11 comments:

Rassles said... November 19, 2008 at 11:21 AM  

That is a scary ass Rudolph, bro.

derfina said... November 19, 2008 at 11:56 AM  

Looks like you didn't just draw reindeer poop, you gave it stink lines too!

Gypsy said... November 19, 2008 at 12:36 PM  

Way to tell him exactly where to find you. Good thing Santa isn't a pedophile. Or is he?

I just maligned Santa. I'm going to hell. And I will obviously get no presents this year. I didn't mean it! Honest! Santa? Come back, Santa!

A Free Man said... November 19, 2008 at 2:27 PM  

Just because I'm a pedant, you misspelled Barby. But very nice typing.

Santa Daddy said... November 19, 2008 at 7:07 PM  

Do you know why Santa is so Jolly?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls live!

Ryan Lawson said... November 19, 2008 at 10:35 PM  

'Jolly' doesn't need to be capitalized, Santa Daddy.

Smarten up.

SSG said... November 20, 2008 at 1:40 AM  

Hahahahahaha I am laughing so much at this, both the picture and the comments. "Do you know that I love you Santa." hahaha... but you only like your dog. And Rudolph just has a scary head. Not dissing you're 6 year old self, but you were too-funny. Did your parents find it cute or wet themselves? lol!

Formerly Fun said... November 20, 2008 at 7:59 AM  

Rassles-
He does look a bit rabid no?

derfina-
this coment really made me laugh, I thought they were arrows pointing out that Rudolph had had an accident but I think your sopt on with the stink lines.

gypsy-
It's not like Santa's the jeez, I think you can malign Santa a little.

afreeman-
My mom shopped at the discount store, the offbrand Barbie is spelled Barby.

Santa Daddy-
Are we going to do that whole thing again this year where you make me sit on your lap and tell you what I want for Christmas? Hope so!

Ryan-
He just got all excited thinking about naughty girls.

SSG-
My mom called me and said it had her in tears. I thought it was funny anyway but I guess if it's your kids, even funnier. The dog thing, I noticed it too, I only liked my dog because he would only sleep in my bed after he got old and grungy and my mom wouldn't let him sleep with her anymore.

kpdwife said... November 21, 2008 at 6:32 AM  

OMG... I am seriously laughing out loud :)

So no lazy eye?? Suuuurrreee..

Dirty Pirate Hooker said... November 21, 2008 at 1:05 PM  

LOL, when I looked at the picture before reading the post I thought to myself, "is that poop under rudolph?"
Seriously. That letter is rad.

See you tomorrow when you smack my ass and rip all the hair from my hookerish vag.

Bluestreak said... November 22, 2008 at 11:32 AM  

I love how you cut right to the chase in the letter. No "Hey Santa, How are you". It´s all "I want a barby house".

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