Image Entendre



My nine year old just recently began to clamor for use of the computer for looking up things for school. Because neither Gene nor myself have Safesearch, this usually entails searching for him with the monitor hidden from his view until we can confirm there isn't some manner of inappropriateness lurking for his tender eyes. Lest you think I am being over-cautious, let's just remember that Google search algorithms don't always give you what you're after.

Potentially Innocuous but Dangerous Google Image Searches
apple pie...very good
cherry pie...not so good

melon...fine
melons...not fine

coffee...fine
tea bag...very bad

baby-fine
babe-very bad

taco...okay
girl taco...not at all ok

two girls and a pup....awwwww
two girls and a cup...ick

groomed cat...okay
shaved kitty...definitely not okay

timeout...ok
spanking...not good

Christmas...ok
X-mas...surprisingly not ok

tickle...not ok
wrestle...still not ok
canoodle...again not ok
lallygag...surprisingly ok
lollipop...mostly ok
sucker...very bad

snake...fine
snake in its natural habitat...still fine
grass snake...fine
snake in the grass...disappointingly fine

ned flanders...fine
ned flanders porn...predictably not okay and a little creepy

tattle tale...ok
bad girl...very bad

ribs...fine
beef...fine
meat...fine
bologna...fine
salami...surprisingly still fine
wiener...not at all good

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6 comments:

tysdaddy said... February 16, 2010 at 4:41 PM  

Yeah. This is why the school where my kids go won't allow them to use Google for research.

Bad.

All of it.

Very funny post, my dear.

A Free Man said... February 18, 2010 at 4:54 PM  

I consider myself pretty, um, aware. But two girls and a cup? Yeah, definitely never been on my radar.

sid said... February 19, 2010 at 3:36 AM  

Ned Flanders porn??? Are you serious? Someone once came to my blog searching for Artemis Fowl porn. Ppl also came to my blog looking for information on how to make edible underwear ... (Altho this was more understandable than the Artemis Fowl thing).

Anonymous said... February 20, 2010 at 2:24 PM  

I hadn't thought about that, now I need to go install some kid barrier software, er.

Arizaphale said... February 21, 2010 at 10:54 PM  

OK...now I want to go and google all those image seraches....

Just wanted to say... said... March 8, 2010 at 7:42 PM  

I have read a few of your most recent blogs aloud to Larry. Now that he has met you he can truly appreciate your wisdom :)

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