If I Knew You Were Gay I'd A Baked A Cake

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My daughter Clare just turned six. We asked her what she wanted for her birthday.

Me and Husband: So what do you want for your birthday?

Clare: Uh, uh....... Louie.(Our fat grey cat)

Me: You want another cat?

Clare: Uh-huh.

Me: No more animals, mommy can't take it.

Clare: No, a stuffed Louie.

Husband: You want us to stuff Louie? Ok, hold on let me go get him.

Clare: Noooooo! I want a stuffed animal that looks like Louie.

Me: Okay, well that's more reasonable. What else.

Clare: You know what I like, rainbows, kitties, fairies, cupcakes.....(at this point she enters her "happy place" in her head for a few minutes no doubt imagining this place that has rainbows and kittycats and fairies and cupcakes.) We wait for her when she does this. It happens. A lot.

(5 minutes later she's back)

Me: I can't really get you a rainbow and we have reached our houses 1700 square feet fairy maximum, how about something a bit more tangible.

So she tests the waters.

Clare: Well, uh, you could get me a Bratz doll?

Me: No, because Mommy doesn't want you to be a whore. (I think I said this in my head)
You know how I feel about Bratz dolls, if you still want one when you graduate college, I'll buy you one then.

Clare: Fine, markers.

Me: Good, that's something I can work with.

Clare: I mean lotsa markers, a lot, of you know, markers.

Me: I think I can make that happen.

So I try to find a stuffed cat that resembles our pet Lou who is dark grey. Funny enough there are lots of white cats with pink noses and blue eyes but dark grey in the toy market is almost nonexistent.

I manage to find a grey Webkinz cat on Ebay and low ball on three of them hoping I'll get one.

Guess what? Clare got triplets by accident and if I would have known in advance the reaction, I would have done it on purpose because each subsequent cat after the first elicited more squealing until the glass in our kitchen cabinets just shattered.

Getting her a rainbow was more difficult, none on Ebay to speak of. So I thought and thought and finally came up with this.Yes, I am a golden god of cakery. It's got real fruit(raspberries, blood orange, lemon, lime, blueberries, blackberries) and real frosting made with butter(mmmmmm) and about 4 pounds of powdered sugar(mmmmm, diabetes). She was served what she thought was a big white blah cake, but when I cut the first piece for her, rather than more squeals, there was just a hush.

Mom, this is the best cake ever. Even the adults were blown away by the sheer novelty. And it wasn't that hard.

So if you are coming out and you want to mark the occasion with the right amount of festiveness. Or you want a non-confrontational, foodie way to tell your gay teenager, mom and dad are cool with it, this is the cake.

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31 comments:

hastama├▒anabanana said... February 9, 2010 at 4:49 PM  

That is the best cake EVER! 10 points for the golden mum! x

Chamuca said... February 9, 2010 at 5:17 PM  

I LOVE THAT CAKE! YAY RAINBOWS!

Florida Girl In Sydney said... February 9, 2010 at 5:24 PM  

Seriously, you are heee-lar-reeus.
That cake is da bomb.

Ginny said... February 9, 2010 at 7:33 PM  

I go to a happy cake place, too. Let Clare know she's not alone.

And wow, way to raise the birthday bar. I totally want to make that for The Boy's birthday.

A Free Man said... February 11, 2010 at 6:31 PM  

I'm showing this to Dr. O'C to show her that she's going to have to take her game up next year if she wants to stay atop the cake ladder. Because, you know, everything is a competition. My kid totally dances better than yours now too.

CATARINE said... February 12, 2010 at 2:42 PM  

WOW! I love that cake!

Heather J. said... February 14, 2010 at 6:49 PM  

Okay.....if I come out in spring....you are baking me that cake!
Poor Lou :)

Blues said... February 15, 2010 at 9:30 AM  

I love the cake!

BoggyWoggy said... February 17, 2010 at 1:36 PM  

I like rainbows. I like cake. You are my hero and I am not gay.

rebecca said... February 19, 2010 at 5:45 AM  

I love stumble for bringing me to you this is fantastic...um the Bratz doll comment almost made me wet my self HILARIOUS...keep up the good work coolest mom around! :)

RBM said... February 19, 2010 at 11:11 AM  

Awesome cake! And I also can't stand Bratz. ;)

Jim @ Texture said... February 19, 2010 at 2:31 PM  

LOL! "...because Mommy doesn't want you to be a whore." So worth reading! Sometimes the best part of a conversation is never said... glad I stumbled on your post!

gina94984 said... February 20, 2010 at 8:53 AM  

i think bratz dolls are for little whores-in-training. absolute trash aimed at our little girls.

Vanessa Dionne said... February 20, 2010 at 9:29 AM  

Funny funny, especially the Bratz doll one, glad I am not the only thinking that :-).
Gorgeous cake wow.

EncinoMom said... February 20, 2010 at 12:13 PM  

Real fruit?!? Honestly? I am so stealing this!

Anonymous said... February 20, 2010 at 2:27 PM  

I love the picture with the cats!!!!

and that cakes makes me feel like a lazy mom

Gina said... February 20, 2010 at 11:25 PM  

love it!! i think i speak for everyone when i say you need to post your recipe!

Jessica Hancock said... February 21, 2010 at 8:08 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jessica Hancock said... February 21, 2010 at 8:10 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lorie said... February 22, 2010 at 2:48 PM  

What a lucky little girl... a awesome, creative Mom and a beautiful cake she will never forget!! Kudos!!

Jake Weiss said... February 23, 2010 at 11:39 AM  

Where are the markers?

Karly said... February 23, 2010 at 1:09 PM  

I made that cake for my daughter's birthday this year too. Only mine fell over. In the refrigerator. Right before the guests were supposed to arrive. We ended up with a generic bakery cake. ;) Glad you got to be a cool mom, though!

Sonya said... March 15, 2010 at 7:59 AM  

Lovely idea! I would have gone for a prisim for the rainbow but this beats it! Well done.

Sonya
http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/688746/sonya_galea.html

My Buzz on Vibes said... April 21, 2010 at 5:31 PM  

I love it! Awesome post. :)

angelsandurchinsblog said... April 24, 2010 at 1:59 AM  

Found you on stumbledupon. Gorgeous cake, almost too good to eat (though I think I can still hear the sugar high from across the Atlantic!).

Diner Diva said... May 9, 2010 at 9:37 PM  

That is an awesome cake - regardless of orientation!

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When did I become my Mom said... July 23, 2010 at 6:07 PM  

Well I am so happy I stumbled you! Love the cake, and am still rolling with laughter at the idea of serving it for a different kind of "coming out".

Cialis said... February 13, 2012 at 8:26 AM  

That cake looks fabulous!

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Elliott Broidy said... December 20, 2012 at 8:21 AM  

I love the colors!

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