Pick Me, Pick Me
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
These are hand soaps, get it? Hand soaps. I ran across these looking for a photo of something else. I thought about buying some of these for my kid's bathroom. You know, tell the kids they use the hands of little boys and girls that died of infectious diseases because they didn't wash their hands properly to make soap for the good little kids who actually take time to wash their hands correctly. I resisted however, because the kids bathroom is also the guest bathroom and I was afraid guests might think we were trying to make some sort of political statement in the abortion debate.
Revenge: A Dish Best Served With Sad Puppy Eyes
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Clearly I am not in "writing" mode. Sorry to blog about blogging because it's normally verboten in my book but it is what it is. I am in the midst of trying to move the spa closer to my home and I am inches away from going to fisticuffs with my current landlord. Were it not for the lovely manicure I recently got, I would have already broken some teeth. Sorry, I am feeling a little violent right now and no doubt just need to vent.
I am a model tenant, not model like Tyra Banks, model like good and equipped with timely rent payments and low maintenance(shut up hubs, I am low maintenance with him). My lease is up at the end of October and I am trying to exit gracefully but he is being, well, a prick. He is a lazy, greedy, cheap, sleazy, dishonest slug(no offense to slugs). I am trying to conjure up the right words and visualizing him is making my skin crawl, literally, like in those horror movies where skin actually crawls.
My recent interactions with him have me contemplating all these very non-Buddhist, complicated, multi-layered revenge fantasies. This is not healthy. I've spent years squaring up my Karmic debts, the last thing I want to do is rack up more.
But be warned Burt*(that is the human name for this lizard, no offense to lizards). I don't want to go have to work in a soup kitchen for weekends in a row to right the wrongs I am considering doing to you but I will. Don't underestimate my willingness to go to the darkside to prove a point. You are wrong and I am right and if you want to check in with my husband to see if I back down when challenged, be my guest.
In lieu of genuine Karma-challenging revenge, with my landlord's phone numbers in hand, I am considering the annoying but harmless promise of excessive, interrupting cell phone calls. To that end, I have devised my faux craigslist post.
Please Adopt My Doggie -- Free Yellow Lab Pup to Good Home
Date: 2009-09-01, 7:45PM PDT
Reply to: thelizardathisworkemail
This is Maya. Cute isn't she?
We got Maya just a few weeks ago but must find her a new home because our young son is terribly allergic. Maya is 10 weeks, all Lab but with no AKC pedigree. She was purchased from a reputable local breeder, socialized with kids around and has had her first series of pup vaccinations but will need another round next month. She is sweet tempered and gentle and we are sad to have to let her go but as long as it's to a good home, we'll be happy. We are not asking any monetary compensation for her, it is hard enough to see her go we just want the right home, someone who will treat her well and make her part of the family.
If you are the right home and can provide all the love we intended to, please call #310-xxx-xxxx.
It's TOTALLY ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests or even copious ads for penis enlargement, Viagra and Canadian Pharmaceuticals and Nigerian Ponzy Schemes.
I think he'll get a few calls no?
*Pseudonym and no offense to Burt's everywhere.