Easter Phony

So the boy was talking to the hubs Friday about the Easter bunny. He wanted to know why the stuff from the Easter bunny has UPC codes on it. Hubs said, “What, you think a bunny actually manufactures all the stuff?”

Disaster averted.

Until I brought home the Easter basket crap and hubs and I were in the kitchen assembling the baskets when the boy “just happened” to come in an hour after bedtime into the kitchen to get a drink(which he never does). Mind you, the big kids have their own cups in the bathroom where they normally get a drink so he was sniffing around for sure.

He comes in and sees all the loot on the table and his eyes get as big as my mother-in-law's ass.

"Get in bed," my husband shouted, and he smugly walked back to his bedroom.

"Little fucker," I say, "what a Snoopy McSnooperson."

"Geez," hubs said, "what do I tell him now? Easter is over as we know it. Christmas and the tooth fairy can't be far behind."

"I know," I pipe in, "tell him that the Easter bunny had to lay off some workers, you know, the recession and all and since he's short on people, he had to spread deliveries over three days instead of just Sunday and since there have been so many layoffs and cutbacks, he's understaffed and just dropping off the stuff this year and making all the parents actually assemble the baskets. "

"Fuck it, it's over." hubs relented.

"Look on the bright side," I offered," if he knows that all the loot comes from us, maybe he'll start sucking up a little, it would be nice to finally get a little credit for all of this fairytale stuff.

Ok son, I'll tell you what really happened to the Easter Bunny but let me preface it with you are the one that wanted a dog.

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20 comments:

cndymkr / jean said... April 11, 2009 at 1:54 PM  

Noooo, take it back. The dog did NOT eat the Easter Bunny.

Bluestreak said... April 11, 2009 at 2:35 PM  

oh that is hilarious. oh, the trauma.

Jelly said... April 11, 2009 at 3:47 PM  

So THAT'S what happened to the easter bunny... I was wondering why no chocolate was delivered this morning.

I just thought it was because I had been so bad this year... Oh wait, that's Santa right?

Happy Easter!

~Mountain Lover~ said... April 12, 2009 at 1:55 PM  

uh oh! Tell him he was dreaming and no such thing happened...

Ellie said... April 12, 2009 at 1:59 PM  

Brilliant! I want My Dog to have been the slayer though!

Well Read Hostess said... April 13, 2009 at 6:59 AM  

I'm saving this for my son asks.

Always better to rip that bandaid off quickly, I say.

Hilarious, as usual.

Captain Steve said... April 13, 2009 at 8:42 AM  

I have a baby cousin that will be thrilled. She is terrified of the Easter Bunny.

Gwen said... April 13, 2009 at 12:59 PM  

I'm such a lazy mom I didn't even do an easter basket for Easter Morning. She got candy and gifts from grandma and grandpa and aunts,etc. I loved what you said about wanting to get credit for some of this stuff. Part of me wants her to know who is giving her the stuff so she can be grateful.

A Free Man said... April 13, 2009 at 3:58 PM  

UPC codes? What a perceptive little bugger! Personally, I'd be down with your economic explanation.

Twenty Four At Heart said... April 14, 2009 at 7:15 AM  

ha ha! I have retrievers and I've SEEN that happen in real life! (We get a lot of wild bunnies in our backyard!)

Gypsy said... April 14, 2009 at 11:05 AM  

Pah!!

prayingtodarwin said... April 14, 2009 at 10:52 PM  

I think we got caught this year. He spotted the stuff in the car. But he never said a word on Easter morning. He's probably saving the knowledge, to use against us in the future. Because my kid's like that.

Arizaphale said... April 15, 2009 at 4:45 PM  

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Chrissy said... April 17, 2009 at 7:37 PM  

I nominate you for an attitude of gratitude award. Details on on this post. http://workingmomwrites.com/2009/04/attitude-of-gratitude-award/

mongoliangirl said... April 18, 2009 at 6:52 AM  

ha ha ha ha. So bad that it's gooooood.

tysdaddy said... April 18, 2009 at 4:22 PM  

Donnie Darko is one of my favorite movies. Ever! So seeing this pop up in my (sadly, neglected) Reader made my fucking day!

And, yeah, you're screwed now.

Thanks for the laugh . . .

GirlGriot said... April 19, 2009 at 11:44 AM  

You can't fool me: Lucy Bagels did not eat the Easter Bunny! Totally a frame-up.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said... April 21, 2009 at 10:44 PM  

Yeah, I think like you. I would have said the same shit. When my punk asks about Santa, I say, " Santa only brings presents to those kids who believe, so its a gamble...but its your choice"

You've met my kid. You know how street smart she is, she knows. Bit she also knows better than to question this shit, lol.

MJ said... April 23, 2009 at 7:43 AM  

Oh my. So then what happened to Santa?

Ryan Lawson said... April 24, 2009 at 3:20 AM  

"Snoopy McSnooperson" and "fucker" in the same breath? Well done, Ms. Fun.

Love Ry

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