Why Moms Who Go Cold Turkey Off the PPD Meds Should Not Be Allowed to Make Important Decisions

What do you think the average family with:
- three kids, one of whom is still in diapers
-two cats
-one mom with a slagging business
-one daddy out of work
needs?

If you guessed another mouth to feed you'd be right!

No, formerlyfun isn't preggers, we got a dog!

I we had been wanting a dog for awhile, ever since I was like five and my mom never let me have one no matter how many times I said pleeeaase. I continually bugged my hubs about it and he was all like, "can we please not get one more thing that shits at will until the bebe's out of diapers or one of the cats kick it?"

Ok, I agreed and then went about plotting how I could get a dog ASAP. So I thought, I bet if I start out asking for another baby he'll let me get a dog. I figured if I promised him I'd take care of everything, maybe he'd let me get one. Then I figured if I softened him up with stories about how my childhood had been robbed of a loving family pet and that's why I'm not more empathetic maybe then he'd let me have a dog.

Turns out I just had to get a collar, leash and a little fluffy pink sweater(for me not the dog duh.)True to male form all it took was a little tail.

We talked about the maybedog over many family dinners bouncing names off each other.

"How about Chompers?" my son suggested.

"Kelly," my daughter shouted after meeting my friend Kelly now she wants to name our maybedog Kelly.(sorry Kelly, it's a compliment, really)

"How about sillypuppyfussypants," I said.

"What's in your pants?" my husband asked.

"You, if I get a dog." I teased.

The kind of maybedog we'd get wasn't up for discussion. My son wanted a Siberian husky but our small house with two cats paired with an exuberant working dog was not going to be a good fit. Plus I had already picked my breed when Uno made every dog his bitch at this past year's Westminister Dog Show.

Whenever we discussed our someday maybedog, it was understood that we were getting a Beagle. We'd window shop at the pet store.

"Look at the Shiba Inu," my son would say.

"No we're getting a beagle.

"Mom I was just saying she's cute."

"Beagle." I admonished him as if the word said it all.

"We could at least look..."

"Beagle."

In the quest to fill my sweet beagle longings while delaying getting an actual dog, we went to the local puppy mill for me to get a fix. We even went so far as to masquerade as an 'actual family looking for a dog' in order to score some face time with a beagle pup. All five of us humans crowded into a little room like dog jail visitation and managed to freak out this little pup with our toothy grins and wandering hands.

"Ahh puppy." we all cooed glazed eyed, a little retarded. We all lost the ability to form complete sentences as the puppy goodness took hold of our senses. All we could muster were single words and short phrases.

"Ohhh," said the bebe, her eyes wide with wonder.

"Soft," I murmured as I felt her velvety ears between my fingertips.

"Awww," cooed the big kids.

"Buddy," whispered hubs as he grabbed the dog's scruff and gave him an appreciative scratch.

When my husband(a staunch animal rights advocate and a vehement puppy store boycotter) asked how much the puppy was, I knew that the maybepuppy was going to be yeahwegotadog any day now.

"Thirteen hundred dollars," the puppy purveyor said and both my husband and I breathed a sigh of relief.

In the car my husband said, "had that dog been five-hundred bucks, you know he'd be sitting on your lap right now don't you?"

"You? You would have bought a dog from that place?"

"Puppies are like heroin Chris, no one can be just a casual user."

Realizing that hubs was actually going to just roll over and let me be pack leader on this one forced me into the position of actually having to make a decision. I wasn't used to someone telling me I could have what I wanted even though it was going to make things harder or more complicated or noisier.

"I can't believe you aren't going to say no," I told hubs a few nights later.

"I can only give you the information, you make your own decisions."

"No I don't, you're the boss of me." I told him with a completely straight face.

"When have I ever been the boss of you?" he retorted.

"Remember the other night with the collar?"

"Oh yeah." he said and I could see his mind wander off to his happy place.

"So have you decided? Are we getting a dog?" he asked.

"I'm not sure, you're confusing me by not telling me no."

"So when am I gonna get my Bagel?"(bagel what we have been calling Beagles)

"If you just said no, it would be easy", I told him," I'd just go get it and that would be the end of it ."


So I pondered. We really didn't need another expense right now but we sure could use a little levity. I didn't want to go the puppy mill route so I casually looked online fully expecting not to find anything. Much to my surprise I found a family with 2 unregistered but 100% Beagle puppies for sale. The price was nominal, probably just to keep the weirdos away and cover the basic costs of their dog getting knocked up. And they were just an hour from our house.

I talked hubs into going to look at the dog and we waited for my eight year old to get home from school.


"Mom, Dad," he came bursting in the door, "I got an A+ on my math test," he said his face a mixture of pride and disbelief.


"Hey hubs, since the boy did so good on his test, maybe we should get a dog," I threw out casually.


The boy's jaw dropped since he's been 200% on board with the whole dog idea.


"Sure, ok, let's go get one," hubs said and grabbed his keys.


Needless to say, eight year old boy thought we were the coolest parents ever and I got my dog.

Everyone, this is Lucy Bagels.




Lucy Bagels, this is Everyone.


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16 comments:

Bluestreak said... February 1, 2009 at 1:26 PM  

you lucky thing!

your whole family is gonna be on cloud nine with the pup.

Loved the dog collar imagery by the way.

formerly fun said... February 1, 2009 at 2:49 PM  

Blue- Even the cats like her, and the collar wasn't just imagery babe, wink, wink nudge nudge Next time I try to go off the meds we'll probably end up with amonkey.

cndymkr / jean said... February 1, 2009 at 4:12 PM  

Hi Lucy! You are so cute and I'm very jealous of your family.

Jan said... February 1, 2009 at 7:06 PM  

Lucy Bagels...LOVE IT. There is nothing sweeter than a beagle puppy and your family will have lots of fun with the new bebe.

prayingtodarwin said... February 1, 2009 at 7:54 PM  

So feckin cute. I've been in a maybedog state of mind lately, too.

Dan said... February 1, 2009 at 8:37 PM  

Cute puppy. Our dog before the present was a Bassett - scent hounds like Bassetts and beagles are so different than collies and terriers. Enjoy Lucy to the fullest.

P.S. Our son was about the same age as yours when we got the Basset. You would not believe how attached those two were.

Rassles said... February 1, 2009 at 10:41 PM  

I love how you guys are totally watching Star Trek.

Puppies are the best, aren't they? I love it. I want one. Now. Dammit. And I'm so glad you guys didn't go the puppy mill route.

I saw my dog today at my parents house. I can't believe how much I miss him. Would not leave him alone.

Your kids are going to love her.

Gwen Jackson said... February 2, 2009 at 5:07 AM  

Awwww. Lucy is so sweet. I'm not even a dog person and I adore puppies. I love the fur, the yippy barks, the kisses, and the breath. Oh the puppy breath! Your husband is right to compare them to heroin. I don't even go into pet stores because I just know I couldn't leave empty handed. Congratulations on your new addition!

mongoliangirl said... February 2, 2009 at 6:45 AM  

A note from the dogs, cats, horses and donkey:
Yo Lucy Bagles! Good work sistah! Take them for all they are worth. Especially effective is cute noises. And, don't be insecure if they're not always so cute. The donkey sounds like a dying diesel engine and they still feed him, scratch his ears and tell him he is cute, cute, cute!

rachie! said... February 2, 2009 at 8:13 AM  

My uncle has a beagle named Lucy! Beagles are awesome, not quite as awesome as Jack Russells, but awesome anyway!

Gypsy said... February 2, 2009 at 8:14 AM  

Awww, I wanna chew on her ears. I mean that in the best non-dog eating way.

Your hubs is right about puppies and heroin, though -- my man and I are hardcore addicts. We've got four pups at one, one of them named Lucy. :)

Dirty Pirate Hooker said... February 2, 2009 at 12:22 PM  

OMFG, Lucy Bagels is the cutest dog EVER!

ThatGirlRuns said... February 2, 2009 at 1:24 PM  

AWWWWWWW!!! Lucy is a cutie! Congratulations

Miss said... February 2, 2009 at 6:36 PM  

I am in LOVE with Lucy Bagels! She's too adorable. Congratulations. You guys are going to have so much fun!

hereinfranklin said... February 6, 2009 at 11:09 AM  

We always had beagles when I was growing up. They are the best! We had one that IsweartoGod only showed up on Thanksgiving Day--3 years in a row. He'd come to the house...eat like a horse...and then take off for another year.

Florida Girl In Sydney said... February 14, 2009 at 7:47 PM  

Lucky girl, woof! I want a dog too! But have the same usual hesitations-- the kids are too young, don't we have to move eventually, what if we want to take vacation?

Sooo jealous! You go girl with your badass bagel.

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